and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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