Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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