First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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