your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
