Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
