Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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