I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
