I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
we should paint friendship bongs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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