Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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