after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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