i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
