I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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