i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
