at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
