So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
