I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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