You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
