Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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