I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
