It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
