WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
