If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
