i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
