Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
