Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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