Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
