Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
