fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize