Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
did i walk over a car last night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
