The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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