help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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