I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
