there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
