I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
