he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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