I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
