Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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