i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
