We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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