Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
