The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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