I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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