kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
