Define "chronic" masturbator.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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