He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
