Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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