I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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