I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
