Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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