I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
