the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
