So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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