I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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