I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
