We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
And then he peed in my hair
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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