C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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