i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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