Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
