You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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