She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
