Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
